Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
