I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
