At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
