Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
