And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
