I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
