Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
