how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
