the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
