white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
