when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
