Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
