Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
