your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have post one night stand depression
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
