grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
