So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
