she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
