Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
