This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
