Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
