are you so shy because you have an std?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
