I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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