my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
