Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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