The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
