He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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