Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
