The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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