Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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