What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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