I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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