Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
