at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
