were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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