Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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