my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
be right there i have to get my cape
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
