i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
