She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
