If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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