Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
