I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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