Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
