My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
