Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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