It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
