So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
