How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
