I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
