You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
