My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
