It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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