I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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