I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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